A book I have previously read before, “Something Like Beautiful” the poignant novel by Asha Bandele has generated a thought about how we live our lives. In the book, Asha talks openly about her pain from lost relationships, losing her own sense of self, managing money to make ends meet and being the best parent possible to her child. Many women deal with these issues very silently. We work hard, but grieve harder by ourselves, late at night, in our beds and crying our eyes out. We choose to wear cookie cutter smiles but our eyes give our pain away to those who truly know us. They may inquire if they are bold enough, but we always respond with that same answer, “I am just tired.” However, even though being tired isn’t a lie, the level of tiredness goes deeper than perhaps even we know. The level of sadness when we, as women are mourning when we feel like we have lost ourselves is a monumental. Especially when we know that we have children to take care of, we put their needs first, we take care of them and even the people close to us, we give of ourselves to a fault. We wear ourselves out and expend all of our energy until we have nothing left but tears, pain and memories of dreams we once believed would come true.
Why do we do this? What causes us to hide from ourselves? Why do we lie to ourselves? My guess is that we are deeply ashamed of our blunders. We examine our lives and wonder, what on earth happened here? How did I stray so far from my goal? Well, what happened is that we were out of integrity with ourselves. At some point we started putting off the goals that we set for ourselves by lying, making ourselves tired and giving up on our goals, dreams, hopes and ambitions. We settle for second best knowing that we deserve to be first. We cater to men who do not deserve us. We self sabotage and then point the fingers at others to somehow soften the blow of selling out on ourselves. Eventually because we forgot how to relate to ourselves as Goddesses and Queens we settle for the treatment not even fit for peasants and we cry really hard about it. We feel sorry for ourselves. We start to hate on other women for no reason because perhaps she has the body that you always wanted, but never allowed yourself to have. We hate men because they have treated us badly, dishonored us and threw us away. However, what we never, ever, ever say to ourselves is “I allowed it.” No one can do anything to you that you do not give them permission to do. We start with tiny bits of compromising and soon enough that turns into a us giving up on the person who we really want to be, and for what? To cry alone in bed at night throwing the biggest pity party ever? GIMME A BREAK!!!!
As women we have a very high threshold for pain. We are built for war, there is no doubt about that. What we need to start doing is appreciating ourselves. I don’t mean just saying it, but doing it. Take time to see where you are. Take an honest inventory of your life and see what parts you keep and what parts you throw away. Do not keep anything that doesn’t serve you and that includes people, things, habits and patterns. We are worth everything great under the sun but you have to honestly believe that. You have to be clear that your life won’t work the way you need it to work until you are honest with yourself. The honesty may be brutal, it may even be painful but at least you will know the truth about yourself. Until you clean out the junk and the muck that has accumulated in your space you will be putting pearls on a pile of shit. That we all know is counter productive. Strip down bare, naked, vulnerable, hold nothing back and just be open with yourself. What do you see? Who do you see?
Life is yours for the taking and the living. Live it powerfully. Leave the grief, sadness and the pain at the door. Leave your past at the door and your future in the future. Focus on the present. The present is a gift and it is the perfect opportunity to create something beautiful for yourself. I cannot tell you what it will take to make you happy. I don’t know what you need, nor will I ever know and no one but you will either. You have decide what is more important to you, a life filled with grief or a life well spent even if you had to start over in the middle? Every moment is an opportunity for you to start your life anew. You have to be willing to do it. No one is going to make you as happy as you can make yourself. Take the time to work on yourself and invest in yourselves too. You are worth it. You are as Goddess and a Queen and you deserve nothing short of royalty.
Own your happiness. Own it!!