When a Strong Woman Crumbles

Who champions the person who champions everyone else? Who holds up a pillar that wants to crumble? Who supports the supporter? These are the questions that you need to have asked yourself when you are down, out and looking for someone to be in your corner but couldn’t see anyone. Now, let me say, that just because you did not see anyone, it doesn’t mean that no one was there. It doesn’t really make any sense for a healer to heal everyone but be broken themselves. It doesn’t work and it is inauthentic. To truly be a healer and a champion of people, the healer must know thyself well enough to heal thyself.  How does that become a reality? Look within. Self analysis and self healing should be at the core of anyone who works with people. Also, another HUGE component is that every healer needs someone that they can go to in order to release. A part of self analysis is knowing when to reach out.

Women who are strong, independent, moms, executives or in a role where they are the primary go to person in every situation. These women champion people everyday. They work hard, and very seldom find any time to play or even rest sometimes. These women work tirelessly. They work through illness, depression, frustration and loneliness all with a bright smile. That is not a foreign scene in communities where women are at the core of keeping everything together. We witness strong smiles but seldom do we see the tears of pain and isolation that are cried in bed and alone. We don’t see these women fall apart in the face of worry, anxiety or stress, we see smiles, and we hear them say yes even when do not have to energy to truly help, but they help anyway. Who champions these women? Who can, if they won’t let anyone in though? I have watched seen countless nameless mothers work hard, go from job to job and still come home and get a million things done. However, I do not witness satisfaction, joy or bliss when she is tired like that but there are no complaints. The thing is though, we do not know when to talk about our burdens, pains or heartaches… I’ve not ever heard many women talk about those things openly, let alone to many. They just push through their pain. Is that safe though? Is that okay?

It isn’t. It isn’t okay nor safe to be dealing with stress and not talk about it. It isn’t safe to be dealing with a tremendous amount of heartache only to suppress it. What ends up happening is that the smile will eventually fade and turn to a grimace. The sunshine will eventually set and to those looking on they won’t over stand the shift because to them it would seem sudden, not knowing the pain that had been brewing for years, maybe decades. Women are taught to just deal with their issues silently. Speaking to professionals about their issues is often looked upon as taboo, weird or things that should never be discussed, because of the stereotypes of modern society (and might i add slight reference to patriarchal stance throughout the eras). However, at the core we all hurt and we all want to be loved. Somewhere down the line we get a hard disappointment and we don’t talk about it, so we tattoo that pain on our souls and we judge every situation, person and lesson by that one disappointment. We collect disappointments like trophies in our communities and we let them stack up and we wear that pain around our bellies, on our shoulders and in our thighs. We put the disappointments into our cooking, the way we speak to our children and how we live our lives. We become overweight, scared, safe, shut down, paranoid, angry, bitter but strong. Is that kind of strength really worth it? I am going to take a stand and say NO!

We all need someone in our corner. The best of us have coaches. We all need someone who we can go to so that we can vent, communicate pain and receive advice. Being strong is knowing when to ask for support. Being strong is breaking your silence when you realize that it is killing you slowly. Being strong is talking out your issues with a professional as opposed to taking your frustration out on your children. Being strong is knowing when to simply say “I need help.” My job (through words of motivation and encouragement) is to champion those who champion others. My job is to heal those whose wounds go so deep that they began to accept them as a part of their lives. My job is to help people live the life they want and not just the life they think that they have to live. My job is to help you transform your life into love. Allow me to do my job while you rest from doing yours.

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