The Three Rules of Engagement: Understanding Love

If you look around you, it’s easy to see everybody attaching his or her own meaning to the word “love."

Some people can’t feel loved unless they’ve seen some sort of thoughtful action.

Some need to hear empathetic words, while others only feel loved through revealing deeper truth about themselves.

And then there are those who wish to be whisked away on a wild holiday, be pampered and treated like a King or a Queen.

But here's the problem:

99% Of People Don't KNOW What They NEED!

Trust me, I've been there myself!

There was a time when I was struggling in a relationship.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I showed love for my partner, something felt missing. I just wasn’t getting through to him and vice versa.

We tried celebrating Valentine’s Day. We tried celebrating anniversaries. We even tried celebrating for no reason on random days. But something was missing.

Our "needs" weren't being met because we didn't fully understand what our needs were.

It was only when I realized that the love and deeper connection I wanted to have was actually something I can experience all on my own!

It was like the cold hard truth about having and making that ‘perfect relationship’ was just an illusion.

An Illusion I Never Signed Up For

Just like the illusion about how people “appearing” like they love - but not truly knowing love - that I stopped searching for one.

That was when I woke up and saw how I had been wrapped up in this illusion of finding ‘true love’ instead of creating love within myself first.

And how did I know it was an illusion?

Because when I looked within myself I could see where this illusion came from. I realized that when we are born, the first thing we see is our parents and the happy relationship that they try to present to the world, the ideal relationship that they are striving to achieve.

And then we see our other family members and teachers doing the same. So I saw that I had grown up with this built-in idea of what a relationship should be.

And similarly, we celebrate Valentine’s Day because we ‘should’; we ‘must’ have a Valentine’s Day date - just because everybody else does.

When, in reality, the only thing you SHOULD do is love yourself first!

So why not use this day as a starting point for an amazing relationship with yourself?

Here's a good place to start:

Rule #1 - Love Is A State Of Being, So Be In A State Of Love

It has been said that if you do not truly love yourself, you cannot really love another.

So it doesn’t just come down to doing nice things for someone else when it’s easy to.

It's about learning to give love to yourself, even when it's difficult, and receiving love even when you rather push it away.

Sometimes it’s loving ourselves and doing the things we know we can do to make our lives better - even when it’s uncomfortable.

For example, when I first started to question the validity of my own illusions about finding the ‘perfect’ love, after looking inside and found that I was lonely.

So how do you truly fill that void of loneliness?

By demonstrating love, not just showing it.

Rule #2 - Demonstrating Love Means Creating Love

Unlike simply "showing" love to someone, demonstrating love means you are opening up to love, even if that love causes you pain, as in feeling the pain of what another feels through empathy.

We must love, even when it hurts.

First by accepting that you are lonely, and that it’s okay to feel that way. It’s just a feeling. Don’t judge it.

Feelings come and go through and open heart. Really feel what the loneliness is about and be fully present with it. You’ll discover new things you could have never seen before. This is wisdom and expanded perspective.

Acknowledge that you deserve to be loved because you are worthy and the better you love yourself the better you teach others how to love and treat you.

When you do this, something amazing happens.

You realize that you don’t need anything outside yourself in order to be happy.

You realize that loneliness, or that void, was nothing but a part of you, which you previously didn’t want to see as it was too painful.

And when we connect these pieces together we understand what LOVE TRULY IS and thus we magnetically attract it because we ARE IT.

Just simply loves awareness and acceptance allows the void to dissolve. Like a light shining in the darkness, awareness is the key.

Rule #3 - You Are Never Truly Alone When You Love Yourself

This is so true; if you are feeling lonely when you are alone, maybe it’s because you don’t like who you are with.

But you are never really alone, because you have yourself! And embracing this time can be an amazing opportunity for personal development and growth.

It is something I myself have been learning for the past year or so; I used to say, I just don’t like being alone, but now I see it as the opportunity to reflect internally on how how feel, what I want and on my life and where I am going.

It gives me the chance to give to myself that much needed self-care I am finally now accepting that I deserve and am worthy of.

It’s showing me how to stop holding back in life and to let go of the things that are no longer healthy or serving me.

So again if you’re single, keep in mind this is a good thing. This is the most perfect chance you’ll ever have to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved.

If you ARE dating someone, or even married for years, and want to feel your romantic experience deeper, then follow these three rules and you'll never feel let down.

Tips And Tricks For Loving Yourself

On this day, or any day really, make a list of everything you would like to start doing for yourself.

Maybe it’s a morning meditation, daily smoothie, juicing, running, yoga, eating healthier, hiking, exploring, reading, painting, or writing - whatever it may be, use this as an opportunity to get started!

Keep a journal and document how it felt to finally do these things that you have wanted to do for yourself.

Be creative, this is where you take priority in taking care of yourself and doing the little things that make you feel good from the inside out.

You may be surprised by how good it can feel to put yourself first, and hopefully it will inspire you to continue doing so in the future, when appropriate. This can be a start date for an incredible relationship with yourself, if you let it.

Another simple trick, that doesn’t require any effort, is to notice your body language.

Your muscles always show you how you feel about yourself (beyond your mind) as you go about your day. So, at least 2 or 3 times a day, simply notice how you’re sitting, standing, walking, or interacting.

Then shift your body language to something that says you feel good, loving and worthy about yourself. But do it ever so softly and gently. When we slow down we can be fiercely strong and gentle at the same time.

And if you simply check in with your inner state consistently, you will start to shape your brain wiring for a more healthy sense of love - thus you will be able to be loved deeper by a man or woman!

(Note: Again, the first relationship you have is with yourself. This is where ALL your other relationships stem from.)

Depending on how healthy your relationship is with yourself, how much you love yourself, how much integrity and worth you embody (through your actions) and how aligned you are to your inner truth will be how healthy your relationships with others.

Final Thoughts...

So as you indulge yourself with your Valentine, remembers these rules, and above all, remember the difference between TRUE LOVE vs. TRANSACTION love.

When we exist AS love, it's through our perceptions and actions - including how we see ourselves - and we completely invite love into our lives.

When we treat love like a transaction, it comes down to love being something you must earn. So basically we “use” objects, attachments, labels and purchases to convey our love, but it comes from a conditional place. And we feel at the heart something is missing in the relationship and things may seem disconnected with our partner in ways.

Sure that new thing may make you happy for a while, but nothing fills your heart like when someone shows you love through their every being. Someone who understands you, sees you, hears you.

Someone who notices the small things about you. Loves you and has your back even when times are difficult. Love that shows up even in the dark and shines the light on the already existing, yet unseen WHOLE.

This is true love.

So it is not about measuring your worth based on if you are single or in a relationship.

It’s also not about buying people roses, hearts and chocolates ...

Nor is it about feeling bad for yourself or shunning other people's love if you’re single!

Today is really about learning how to be loved bigger and better through embodying love yourself, in bigger and better ways.

There is nothing more powerful than the state of being and the act of love.

Not in the romantic sense, but in the truest sense of the word, love as demonstrated… embodied... and "to love" someone in the highest sense means to have an unselfish and compassionate concern your own highest good too… you meet in the middle.

We must love (and receive love) from a cup that is full, not empty. We must fill this cup.

It is when we are in the dedication of true service, with a full heart of compassion, that true power is harnessed.

Today and all days.... please remember this.

YOU have the power to love. Starting with yourself.

Starting today.

I Love You!

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