The difficulty of coming to terms with your own personal faults?

For many yes, because of a factor known as ausarten. It's a German term, difficult to convey succinctly, but I'll try anyway.

“Aus” means “out”, and “Art” means, well, the art of something.

Something's art is an Old English phrasing meaning its general natural being and essence. It was spoken around the time of knights and queens, so for instance if a human's profession was jester, then you could say that their art was that of a jokester.

If they were a dignified and righteous queen, then you could say that their art was that of a spiritual leader or something.

If they were a magistrate (that's like an old world law maker) then you could say that their art was that of a bookworm/Vulcan.

So ausarten means, basically, to get out very badly out of control of the good nature (natural art) of a human being.

For a jokester, it could mean that they take their jokes too far and end up wounding the self-image of a lot of people. For a spiritual leader, it might mean that they become too domineering and controlling. For a Vulcan, it could mean that they end up browbeating others with their cerebral giftedness.

It's pretty relative.

Anyway, it's easy to do that - ausarten is simple to do, and to get it right is difficult.

It's difficult to be a bookworm and not talk down to others. But if you try to hold your tongue, it's easy to them fall into silence, which is just as bad.

It's difficult to be a jokester and not take it too far. But if you try to be concerned about it, it's easy to lose the power of gab altogether.

It's difficult to be a spiritual leader and not boss others around, but give them enough freedom instead. But then if you try to exercise freedom, it's easy to accidentally become too lax and let chaos happen.

That's actually why prophets always came around and speak of a middle ground between extremes, because whoever and whatever we are (in our basic, fundamental nature/art), it's important not to be too over-the-top but also not too underwhelming with it.

To strike this balance is incredibly difficult.

For me, it's no different, and so on the road of life I have tried to be myself, only to get out very badly of control of it.

As an example:

When I'm trying to create a dignified sexual life, I'm struggling a lot to go patiently and without feeling rushed, but it can easily cause me to lapse into doing nothing.

I can then try to push for it a little more, but then can easily get too excessive and Pan-like in my feelings of overzealousness.

It's easy to find these faults and then start to cruelly torment myself, telling myself I'm either too much of a spineless wimp or too much of a thirsty dog.

But if I think about it, I'm really just trying to strike that good, happy chord in the middle of too much goodness and too much evilness.

Too much goodness is like being a sexless woman, but too much evilness is being a loveless/manipulating player; that middle ground of a sexy and flirty and yet simultaneously appropriate lover who can tease but not get too out of control with it is just hard to land on!

But I can tell that, all mistakes considered, my real nature is not bad. It's just so hard to really experience my real nature, because like everyone else I'm always arting out and either falling short of the mark, or else overshooting it.

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