There are obviously many ways and approaches to love, yet only one kind of love that is sustainable... Most people love in a way that is to include "everyone," even people that treat you or others like dirt or who don’t honor healthy boundaries or love. And you can either ask and stand for what feels unfitting and very little, ride this fence and set few boundaries (you’ll likely even be “popular” in the auto pilot zombie consciousness of the sleeping world) or you can honor “what is” soul love even when you must walk alone.
Ego Love wants to be loved by everyone and is a reflection of the needs, wants, and desires of the lover, not the loved.
Ego love grasps at thinking fulfillment can be found in another, demanding that the other be all the things that we need them to be — asking others to be something they are not rather than loving who they already are. This only leads to resentment and disillusionment.
Ego not only fears that purely loving without control or agenda will result in hurt — but that if you love too deeply, too happily — you will meet certain death.
The ego fears its undoing in love because we perpetuate its fear based grasp and concept that “separation is self protection”.
These kinds of relationships are all about fulfilling that feeling inside of you of fear, of emptiness, of loneliness, of the need for approval, the need for acceptance, the need to be liked, to feel powerful, to feel in control and so on. This relationship is all about giving to get something to fulfill the ego.
You can sum up ego-based relationships by this line: “What can I get from that person or connection or experience?”
You are not falling in love or rather rising in love, you are falling in “lack” and need.
This is all about the void you are attempting to fill from the other — instead of going straight into void with the love only you can provide.
For the ego, all relationships are just candy to consume ... to accessorize the ego, make you feel good, add more fun, gratification, entertainment, pleasure, comfort, convenience, utility to your life while it provides you an escape.
An escape from real love and an escape from the painful truth of facing your own soul. Surface level ego love relationships (unless you are aware of what not to do by contrast) are not about depth, challenge, greater awareness, growth... or, the necessary tension, raw honesty and discomfort that prompts you into a more aware.
This is what soul based relationships are for!
Soul based love is a self lived and actualized “sustainable, devoted” understanding of love. A real love that is experienced as our sense of separation dissolves; our ego death.
Love challenges, transmutes, refines, transforms. Real self love and sustainable soul-based relationships are met through a true desire to share, shape and expand into the unknown.
Soul-based relationships center themselves of “bigger than self” soul desires. Think of it this way, when you are truly full and feel whole you have no other need to gain from the person you are in a relationship with.
The focus of this kind of love becomes about EXPANSION and sharing this LOVE, not stealing love outside you to fill a void. When you are not separate from the Divine, your already wholeness pours out from you.
Ego Love is about the small self — while the sustainable soul is knowing you ARE love that is the WHOLE —beyond the personal self (ego).
Where the relationship is sacred and becomes the main pillar in life - not an accessory ...
Where your relationship is your guru and a temple where you make the fruits of your inner divine practice tangible and visible!
The soul deeply longs for this mirror of truth and it’s reflection in another to help wake ourselves up, to challenge our blind spots and be the magician, lover and playmate we know we are made for on this journey.
Its about connecting to the depth inside of another — in which it’s usually how we come into greater contact with our own core truth — behind all our pain, lack and distortion around love and self.
Your soul already knows... that a relationship becomes a vocation or a calling, where you are called to love and see yourself, look deeper, nurture, care for, take responsibility for and show up and do the “nitty gritty heart” work.
In the egos path of love, you have a broad, weak and shallow container of false power that is not honest, lived or embodied...
... so this kind of love produces very little in terms of real connection along with plenty of average BS and few risks taken — except maybe that of a numb life only half lived.
In the former, you have a revolution.
You Are This Revolution!
It’s up to YOU to trust your own soul and shine, even when you must walk alone.
Because no matter how loving you are, you still can’t save people or show value in ways they are not ready to see in themselves...
You can love them (even from afar) help and support them and be there for them (even from afar) but you can not save them!
It’s only when someone’s level of pain and karma reaches a level greater then their fear of change that they take the leap and you can’t do it for them, ever!
Stop bypassing and care for you. This is where you focus on you - even when someone else is in denial, hurts or cant understand or see LOVE just as it is, for what it is.
This has always been difficult for me. I don’t like to see people stuck and I don’t like when people hurt.
However this is exactly the inner spaces that I must re-introduce and unite inside of me and will allow me more “space” and capacity for others to be just as they are, wherever they are.
If only the world would do this we wouldn’t have so much confusion. Twin flames around the world would stop being so obsessed with chasing Union, and would instead simply practice connection, clearing and shifting energetically within, first — to physically without, last.
For example, I hear from people almost every day who are trying SO HARD to “make their soulmate relationship work or happen” with someone who is clearly not committed (or unable to love/receive) being an equal partner in the effort.
Are you willing to utilize this energy of UNION into yourself —providing yourself the secret keys you need to unlock real, sustainable love and freedom inside you?
Why waste your time trying to convince someone that you are incredibly valuable or that they should love you?
Dear soul, cant you see that all this playing itself out is only YOU trying to convince YOURSELF to love you?
That you are worthy of love? Why not just silently BE IT?
Yes that’s what this journey is all about. The world or “they” are only able to mirror back your own delicious, inner fulfillment OR your own raggedy lack of self-care.
This means that once you start taking profound care of yourself, the one who’s mirroring you will have to meet you there ... that’s how it works, or they’ll have to go find a new mirror to mirror their own lack of self-caring — because you are choosing self love.
But that also means you have to stop making excuses to avoid your void and diving straight into it. You’ll have to stop with the usual excuses of staying and hanging around because “they are my soulmate” or because “they have a good heart deep down” or “I love them”...
All while they do what it takes to resist, deflect and not show up because many times they also believe they’re not worthy of you (or ready for you).
So believe them — always believe someone when they say can’t feel or they’re not worthy of or ready for you.
Trying to convince what is love through the ego, doesn’t work especially when there’s attachment on both sides to a lack of living AS love, or knowing what this even means to someone not “used” to soul based love.
Yes of course, healthy relationships require effort, but not really by “focusing” on each other — yet instead through self realization.
The “effort” is internal, applied against our own resistances, fantasies, make believe stories and fear barriers to love and being loved.
If someone is holding onto their pride, ego and excuses instead of holding onto you, it’s time to let them go and love yourself... this is not a journey on which you are meant to suffer.
If you are suffering it’s because you are trying to force or make “it” fit into something that you are not — this fairy-tale satisfaction love that will never bring you eternal bliss you so deeply hope for.
Instead this wild and sacred journey offers you the maddening yet genius opportunity to become who you truly—already are inside... yet who you weren’t fully living, by releasing all the subconscious fears and false beliefs that were once keeping you from your own self-actualization.
Aha, and so it is ... ☀️