So, why is it so difficult to process emotions in therapy when a person really wants to?

It is not difficult when a person is really ready to process emotion, and feels safe enough to do so, such as in a therapeutic relationship with an extremely empathetic counselor who has been where they are struggling. There are therapies which deal directly with this, such as cognitive emotional therapy (CBT), where traumatized unexpressed emotions are allowed to surface and be felt, and this is the only way to move on from that core trauma. Like an onion there are many layers of emotions that need to be dealt with, yet only when the client is ready. A counselor may open the door, yet the client still must walk through it! At free will.

Many men are taught not to to really feel things deeply, and told that ‘feeling’ is ‘sissy’ and other derogatory terms, which denigrate women and limits men; in that the only emotions that are socially acceptable for many men is anger, jealousy and sexual release. This explains why men are more violent and rape more than women, and this is primarily socially constructed, and countries in which men are more entitled than women are more violent and sexually abusive!

At birth boys and girls brains are malleable and almost the same, with boys having the same emotions and natural empathy as girls. It is very sad that many men can not cope with difficult situations and emotions (they run away, deny, or get abusive), because they do not have the emotionally maturity, emotional quoitant to help them through it, such as accepting their vulnerability- instead of running away, hiding and going into deep depression, or putting up a deceptive brave front- and asking for help, or taking the time out to process the situation and their emotions that surface; thereby processing their painful experiences, instead of just denying them.

Denial just compounds the problem, because when the emotions behind the trauma are finally released, they are released like an exploding pressure cooker and that is when violent behavior surfaces. Men on average mature 11 years behind women. Many men rely upon women for emotionally security, which adds an additional burden to women’s already busy lives, and prevents men from dealing with their own emotional garbage, and ‘growing up’!

Now this is completely speaking in general terms, and there are women too who have problems processing their emotions, because of trauma and dysfunctional backgrounds. All people need to embrace their emotions, both good and bad, and in time, we can then choose to express emotions in which are not destructive to ourselves or others. We are in charge of ourselves, and need to direct ourselves, and be responsible for our thoughts, and feelings.

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