“Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.” ~ Anaïs Nin
There is not enough written on the subject of self-gratification in my opinion, particularly in regards to spiritual sex. On the mass media platforms and in the world of cultural narrative being single is a dirty word; another avenue with which to shame and control the masses.
Either you’re in a relationship and bogged down by the model of monogamy (essentially unhappy), or you’re single and happy but an easy target for the consumer model to rinse you of all dignity, self empowerment and freedom.
If you are single you are told you’re empty; without; lacking and as love and sex rule in all music, fashion and broadcasting businesses (and are sold as the ‘highest’ state of bliss you’re able to obtain on this plane of existence), then being single and empowered equates being independent of that system.
What if, for a moment, we imagined what the world was like without this constant diatribe of distraction mass media burbles and reminded ourselves of who we really are?
What if, just for one moment, you were reminded that as a single you actually had the power to create new models of love and – if only you weren’t drugged time and time again by the pressures this consumerist society imposes upon you – you would feel empowered by that knowledge?
As Esther Perel says, ‘what if divorcees were the real idealists of society?’ And we all know the 18-25 bracket are as idealist as they get. So now we know what a flock of self empowered sexually liberated idealists look like to the system, we can understand why sexuality is so manipulated and abused by society. Because it is power. The pursuit of love doesn’t have to be sordid and base; in fact it should be entirely the opposite.
Being sexually liberated does not mean having multiple partners and bastardising the sanctity of marriage. Being sexually liberated means respecting yourself enough to know your own desires and honour them accordingly.
In recognizing that we are human and, in the same way we have a unique imprint or personality, we can recognize that we each have a unique sexual imprint. And that unique sexual imprint should be allowed full expression and free reign in order to retain health and uphold our fantastically unique self image.
Masturbation can become a spiritual practice. Instead of letting in the shame and belittlement of mass media, we can build a home for ourselves. By creating a nest of self-love around ourselves and loving ourselves inside and out, we can swim in the knowledge that other people are a bonus but are by no means essential.
In precisely the same way meditation does, self-gratification connects us with our core; it grounds and nurtures us, cleansing our chakras and sends out a message to the universe that we are operating on a high frequency.
This then attracts a high frequency partner to us, should we so desire them. We may not, being perfectly happy where we are thank you. Just kidding, but we will definitely appreciate that person, or persons more now that we know they’re a bonus to our core self-loving single practice.
So how do we go about making masturbation this high brow spiritual and eternally enjoyable practice?
Set the Scene
In the same way we require another person to seduce us (the longer drawn out the better) we also need to create a similarly built up and invested upon experience with ourselves. Time may be a restricting factor, but if we purposefully set aside the time to honour and love ourselves, then we’ll reap the delicious and plentifully rippling rewards.
Setting the scene means setting aside a full night a week (or more) to let yourself off the hook and enjoy your own company. A lot of what self-love looks like is giving yourself the space – or holding the space – for yourself. That means giving yourself a holiday. Doing a short meditation to start is an excellent way to begin that connection.
Take three deep breaths or breathe until your breath is in balance and you are beginning to leave all that mind chatter from the day behind, focusing in. Listening to external sounds or the sound of silence and the whole will lift you onto a higher frequency and set the intention that this time is to be spent in the higher love.
This simple yet effective opening to your practice will channel it into the correct timeline and lift you above that shameful projecting the media have tried to pull you under. It will also help you to become more present and therefore more sensitive to the joyful experience you are treating yourself to.
Arousal and visualization
I actually believe fantasy should be avoided if possible when self-loving, as it removes the focus from you onto another. This in the world of attraction attracts more fantasizing, which then has the potential to keep you permanently in a bubble of private fantasy and removed from any positive interactions with yourself or potential lovers.
In staying rooted in the now yet visualizing general images that uphold the frequency of loving and honouring yourself will add to the process rather than hinder it. Getting too specific with mind projections may set you up in a pattern of avoidance of the now, and this practice is best when you give yourself credit and honour reality with authenticity.
Looking at your body and appreciating it in all its imperfect loveliness (and sexiness) will set you on the trajectory of self-love and truth. Authentically connect with what turns you on and accept yourself. Use a mirror, lighting, wear your best underwear, play music, anything to respectfully set the tone.
You could even speak loving (yet sexy) affirmations to yourself. This is spiritual sex remember and this practice actually has the potential to heal all sexual traumas or unwelcome memories by placing yourself in a new arena of love. You are creating worlds by rewriting your sexual narratives. Let go of the past and swim in the now; you deserve it.
Every time you sense you are close to climaxing, go back to the breath or whatever your chosen anchor in the now is. Slough through any mental chatter that has crept up (you may also reflect on any negative self-talk that has entered the space) and centre yourself again. In the same way Tantra is practiced, enjoy the journey and channel more love and attention into it.
You could even go and have a shower or a sensual bath in the interlude, or drink a specially prepared drink such as herbal tea or champagne. You could even, if you’re getting really into this, draw out the practice over days, even weeks.
Although remember you’ll be in a state of arousal to one degree or another and therefore shouldn’t operate heavy machinery. But seriously, once you make this a regular practice and have allowed the energy concentrated at the groin area shift into the heart then you’ll be able to integrate it into your whole day if you so wish.
However, in the beginning stages, delay your gratification and begin shifting that energy you have built up into the higher chakras. This will be a slow but steady process and will literally enlighten and enthral you dependent on how far you wish to take the exploration. By shifting the energy into upper chakras you are transmuting energy, therefore serving your wider community as well as yourself.
This makes this practice all the more fascinating, as you have the ability to open up new chapters in your love-making. Your action has the potential to affect the whole, and you can take this practice to new worlds. Experiment by first shifting the energy you have built up and climaxing through your Sacral chakra.
See how that feels; is it different? Essentially you could work your way up through the chakras and when you’re ready to start climaxing through your heart (that’s the obvious one) and eventually the crown chakra and then, wow! You will be transcending and rewriting the very notions of sexuality and the world we live in.
So experiment. Within your new practice of self-gratification you have the ability to not only heal all sexual wounds from the past, but to transcend your ideas of gender, self and the separation of any of those aspects. This really is a wonderful practice to start integrating into your life and it has the potential to change your life. I hope you enjoy it. So get practicing.