I believe that as human beings we fear rejection, immensely. I believe rejection is probably what stops most people from getting close to others and showing the most authentic version of themselves. I know that rejection or the fear of rejection or even my perceived vision of rejection is what causes me and everyone else to tread very lightly on certain kinds of relationships. However under the premise of “what you do in one place, you do everywhere”, I believe then that I would live a very limited life because of the personal fear of rejection. The thought of bearing my soul openly and transparently only to have someone reject that, reject ME is heart breaking.
The rejection of closeness or intimacy literally eats away at ones soul, still. We are quick to blame others for their attitudes when reject does happen, but we upon all the grief that we go through, seeing it from a positive agenda, its not me its them. Seeing it from this perspective allows us to say without judgement that, they honestly did their best to try. However, in reality it is difficult to fathom. Even as we express our truth, nothing really changes who they are and there’s nothing is can do about it or anyone else. The struggle is what has us permanently just waiting for the next person to walk out of our life and reject us as well. When we feel we are never expected to be loved fully, or completely, it feels like what we have to give and just being just isn’t enough. We hide a lot of our feelings and our truth, making many extremely introverted, often alone, very lonely and very afraid of getting close to people only to have them leave. So in our head, we often just wonder, so why bother?
We are often afraid that if people see “ME” for “ME”, with all the wounds, the scars, the short comings, the suicidal thoughts, the sexual abuse, the verbal abuse, just the aftermath of a failed marriage, and numerous short comings, who could really LOVE ME? Who will love me after they find out the lies I’ve told? The things I’ve stolen? The true story of our soul isn’t as glamorous as some people may think, but if we bare all how many will actually stay? It’s very easy to love the life coach, the optimist, the bright smile, the one with the encouragement, the visionary and the great mum. But who would really love the sinner? The mum who is too tired sometimes to even want to snuggle? The person who cries because the day seems too long just to suffer?? Who loves that person?? There are quite a few people who have seen all parts of us and still choose to walk away, why is that?
While I know this may seem daunting to read, I know this is just one way to look at this. Truthfully, we do not have to be burdened with the sadness of past rejection. We don’t have to focus on the sadness that we felt and the breakdowns that have stemmed from this way of being. The reaction to life is up to us. Who do I say I am and what will I do with my life now? While the painfulness of being accepted is a struggle for many, the solution is to love yourself as you are. We nit pick far too much and criticize ourselves viciously. Maybe its a case of finding ourselves strong enough to say to ourselves “I don’t like you.” and stop telling ourselves are we making ourselves wrong for some weight we’ve regained. Making see ourselves wrong for cutting our hair. Making ourselves wrong for being too gullible, too naive and too open. What we haven’t been letting ourselves do, is just BE! We haven’t been being with ourselves and allowing ourselves to just love me the way I am.
The key to not struggling is going with the flow of life. The key to my success is accepting ourselves and to stop rejecting and doubting who we are and the beauty of the person within. We have to allow ourselves to be okay with who we are, as we are and even if we have to make modifications, they are done with love and acceptance. After rejection our worlds get rocked a little bit, and to some actually a lot. So taking the time to build a force and a foundation of self love is crucial. We have a hard time believing people when they say that they love me. We don’t believe them because for so long when we are shown no love, compassion or acceptance, we don’t know what that looked like from the outside looking in. We truly just need to learn how to love every part of ourselves and accepting us. It’s an uphill battle but its a climb worth taking. As a result, even though very few people are close to us and they are allowed into the transparency of our heart. But, I believe that’s the time when you should feel like it’s time to start letting more people in on how you feel. Our pain isn’t unique. I’m sure this blog post speaks to many people and but I hope it can heal many people as well.
In the past, from personal experience, food would have been my self mediation as it would be for many. This time around, it’s my love, it’s my practice of meditation, it’s my daily conversations with those whom i’m aligned with, who really center me and put things into perspective, it is my truth about who I am. Sharing with you my thoughts and perspective, is letting you know that I am nowhere near perfect, I am so incredibly flawed and even kind of fucked up, and that is all okay. I have to be real about what hurts me if I ever intend to heal. This is a part of the process.